Truth, Lie, Dare #2

On being wired and tired, freeing ourselves, and slowing the f*ck down

Welcome to Truth, Lie, Dare (TLD): a weekly presence practice where I share a truth, a lie I'm telling myself, and commit to a dare. This framework helps me write consistently while time-constrained, and it's also an invitation to reflect however best suits you. I’ve loved hearing from you, so continue to share your TLDs if so compelled.

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It’s Saturday, my favorite day of the week. I’m writing this from my home office overlooking a valley of Oaks, Cedar, and Ponderosa Pines stretching for miles. Beyond the trees and the quiet of dawn, my writing companions are a Red-tailed Hawk hunting its breakfast just outside my window, a damn good maple latte, a Spices by the Thousands candle (new fave), and Hermanos Guitérrez. What a gift to have this time, these luxuries, and simply be alive another day.

Before diving in: thank you to those who commented here or sent messages about how this practice helped you and for your support/cheerleading my efforts to write consistently. It means more than you know.

This week’s TLD

• Truth: I’m wired and tired. I was in LA for work most of the week and have been rising around 5 a.m. for several days, averaging about 5.5 hours of sleep—not nearly enough or my norm, but the mind is ready upon rising, and so I rise. The trifecta of traveling from country to city, my packed schedule, and re-engaging with personal creative projects is a lot on my increasingly delicate system. In the not-too-distant past, I didn’t have the awareness to know I was “wired and tired” or understand its impact. It’s a fine state to dwell in temporarily but will wreak havoc on the whole if not right-sized, so I name it as a means to keep it in my awareness, restore, and grant myself grace as I do both.

• Lie: Nothing as juicy as last week’s lie comes to mind, which immediately makes me think that doing this exercise weekly was a terrible idea and I should pivot to doing it once a month. I am smiling as I write this because it’s so freeing to say this and also because it exemplifies the kind of thinking that can prohibit me from trying/doing/sticking with things. There’s a big difference between discernment and becoming paralyzed because I’m uncertain of an outcome (certainty is an illusion anyway). Also, I can evolve or change my mind about this format anytime.

• Dare: Slow the fuck down (STFD). When I showed up at the airport on Monday and got to security my ticket was flagged for an inaccuracy and I was sent to ticketing. I had booked my trip in reverse. In what could have been a $400 mistake, I was rebooked for free (shout out to Willard and Sim from Southwest Airlines). While they sorted my tickets, I muttered “STFD” to myself—an old mantra of mine born from burnout years ago. I have done a lot of work to upgrade my operating system from my default Capricorn setting of push-climb-go. Intentionally slowing down has included getting quiet, reconnection with the natural world, tuning my attention, and more, and while I’ve grown in this regard,

  current conditions and this week's travel mishap were a needed reminder: I'm moving too fast these days and need to STFD.

I leave you with Sandpipers feeding at dawn on Manhattan Beach, an incidental delight of waking up so early this week. These sweet little creatures rush the sand when the water recedes to excavate their meal before the next wave comes crashing in. In watching them run to the edge of what's comfortable for sustenance and back to what feels safe when the risk becomes too great, I see my own pattern of advance and retreat, of venturing out for what nourishes me and retreating when I need to rest. All of the answers are in Nature if we pay attention.

Until next week, may you love and appreciate where you are, how far you've come, how incredible you are, and go outside :)

xo