Vipassana: A lesson in retraining the mind through the body
I completed my first 10-day Vipassana course at Dhamma Java in Bogor, Indonesia on Sunday and am slowly coming back online after what was a fascinating, peaceful, illuminating, painful, helpful, challenging, beautiful, tumultuous, and dark experience. Feels like I dreamt it in a way.
I got food poisoning upon arrival and was very sick the first few days, which ultimately enriched my time but only in hindsight. There was a night I was so ill and scared from the onset of dehydration from hours of vomiting and diarrhea I was begging the universe for my mom. My tears and calls for her were so determined I thought she might actually be able to hear me all the way in Minnesota. And do what? I’m not sure. She didn’t hear me and as Vipassana teaches, things arise and they pass away. Everything is impermanent. It eventually ended, and here I sit in an ultra-modern vegan café drinking a double shot latte with homemade coconut milk in Ubud writing this. Namaste.
“Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by Gotama Buddha more than 2500 years ago and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills, i.e., an Art Of Living. This non-sectarian technique aims for the total eradication of mental impurities and the resultant highest happiness of full liberation. Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind.”
This is a time of noble silence (silence of body, speech and mind). No tech, books, journals, exercise (except daily walks in a small area), snacks of your own, sex, substances— distraction of any kind. The day begins at 4 a.m. and ends at 9 p.m. with breakfast, lunch, fruit and tea for dinner, some time for rest, and the remaining 9 hours for meditation. Several of those hours are group sits in the dhamma hall (dhamma is another word for dharma meaning: The Buddha’s teachings, truth, the basic building blocks of reality; one of the three jewels of refuge), other times you are able to meditate on your own in your room or in the dhamma hall. Meals are vegetarian and serve the food of the locale in which you take your course. Accommodations are sparse. Courses are free, offered globally, and accept donations based on what you are able to give.
The walking path at Dhamma Java Vipassana Center in Bogor, Indonesia
Retraining the Mind Through the Body
Over the course of 10 days, you are taught to feel sensations on the body with a focus on the fact that those sensations are always changing; impermanent — as our feelings and circumstances are, as life is … as literally everything is. Human misery and suffering (our mental anguish) derive from craving and attachment to the things we desire or get pleasure from (material, wealth, power, sex, food, etc.) OR aversion to the things that are painful and uncomfortable, which we also develop an attachment to (anger, resentment, residing in harmful thought patterns, replaying old tapes, etc.). We live in the past or fixate on the future instead of being here now, tuned in to our whole selves so we can be properly tuned in to the things around us.
To learn how to feel sensations on the body we practiced anapana breath for the first 4 days — feeling the breath hit the upper lip from the nostrils. Not being able to journal was the worst part for me as all of the labels I assigned during the course were mostly lost, but my mind went through cycles of revolting to reckoning, gratitude, and acceptance to wanting to GTFO of the joint ASAP.
On day 4 we learned Vipassana, scanning the whole body repeatedly from the top of the head to the tips of the toes for an hour without moving posture. There are many pleasant sensations felt as well as excruciating pain during the last 30ish minutes if you’ve managed to stay put. Whatever pleasant sensations are felt on the body (or not felt) you should not crave more of or become attached to, and similarly, the unpleasant sensations should not be averted because everything passes, the good sensations and the bad. Things arise and things pass away. Everything is born and dies. Everything is constantly changing. Everything is impermanent; the sensations on your body, the thoughts in your mind, the circumstances in your life, and life itself.
All things I logically know. Vipassana was a capstone of sorts in a year of profound impermanence.
In the last 14 months, my dog died, I got divorced, I quit my job, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, I witnessed the very sacred death ritual of public cremation in Varanasi, India, I moved out of my house, and put my things in storage, and am currently traveling solo internationally with no real plan day-to-day or for the future.
Many of these things I chose, some I did not. There is a tangibility and intimacy to impermanence in a way I’ve never experienced, however, the logic and self-knowledge I possess about them is just a piece of the puzzle. The logic (things begin, change, and end) and self-knowledge (I’ve been here before, I’ve survived, etc.) are helpful, however, wisdom comes from being present, surrender, and doing the work to understand and accept such circumstances. To have this lesson reinforced through the body as a means to apply it to how I react to interpersonal and worldly dealings was an unlock and solid complement to some of the other work I’ve done over the past 19 years (12 steps recovery program, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, etc.).
In all the time I wasn’t retraining my brain, my whole life (or so it seemed) flashed before me. What a remarkable 36 years lived—all the ways my heart and soul has been opened by my family, friends, work, experiences, and special people I’ve encountered along the way, even if our interactions were brief. I remembered so many micro-moments—things in the nooks and crannies of my mind. The simplest and most basic ways I’ve been whole and happy in my life. It overwhelmed me with joy and gratitude and also got me through the really dark parts. Speaking of dark, it allowed me to spend ample time in a whole new way with my divorce and the loss of a family I loved, along with the heart-wrenching grief of losing my dog. I am equally grateful for this even though I wanted to jump out of my skin half the time. Unpleasant things/thoughts arose, unpleasant things/thoughts passed away.
Will I become a lifelong Vipassana meditator? The jury is out there. It is recommended to meditate two hours a day, do one 10-day course a year, and volunteer at a 10-day course once a year. I don’t have that level of commitment in me at this time but I will do my best to practice Vipassana daily in some way and perhaps explore it further later.
What drew me to Vipassana?
I’m a seeker and love learning about new practices and approaches, some of which I integrate into my own practice and some of which I just appreciate :) I first heard about it years ago and it just spoke to me for some reason so it was just a matter of finding time eventually.
Why I chose Indonesia and why I wouldn’t again
I’m traveling for an extended period of time and my plans in Jogja & Bali made the Dhamma Java Center outside of Jakarta a good choice for me, however, I highly recommend that you do your first Vipassana in your home country so you’re not getting used to a new time zone, cuisine, and other circumstances on top of Vipassana. It‘s a rigorous physical and mental exercise on its own.
This is by no means a comprehensive post about Vipassana—honestly, it was an Instagram post that got too long ;), so please don’t hesitate to ask me questions on or offline. So many have written about the topic and I’d advise you, if interested, to get Googling and do the same.
If you’ve been following along with #LISAabbatical on Instagram, have sent me messages and/or checked in on me during this social media hiatus thank you. It is very kind of you and I appreciate it more than you know. THANK YOU.